Stop evolving your "Koffing" into "Weezing"

These few years I admitted, I become toxic.

As much as I hate those toxic people in my life before, I become one.lol.

Didn't sure when did I caught this symptom.

As much as my friend remembered, I used to be a funny guy with a crazy attitude when I was a teenager

After I got my job, everything works out pretty much ok. Until the pressure comes.

Apart from that my media social account which I used to spend playing farm games, lol, was filled by hundreds of newsfeeds from my online friend. Almost 50% of it was negative input.

As much as I want to avoid it, sometimes I took a few minutes reading it just to understand a few of them. In my opinion, some people have a bad day, sometimes they just want to let it out or complaining about it so others can read and understand their situation. This is a common and very natural process as a human being.

That was my initial thought~

Until I read it every day and it starts to annoy me.Not just in media social, they even do it in everyday life. Especially when studying, hanging out with a friend, in a relationship or in the presentation of the project.

I decided to close my eyes and my ears from these "toxic" people because, at that time, I was in the '20s and I have a goal to achieve which is getting a job.

But,

The toxicity gets in me.

After a few years, these "toxic" people start to step into my boundaries and adding pressure to my life.

I start to complain about these people.  Telling others how annoyed them to me. How difficult it was to handle them nicely. How much they keep accusing me with false opinion to others even they never meet me or work with me.

Just like them, I do the same thing they do before. Isn't that ironic?

And this ends up bitting me back.

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One day I decided to write a few opinions on my social network. Something about people who were ungrateful on the job that they already have.

Someone getting mad at me, not sure why, and the first thing I read on their newsfeed was their claim on me as a "toxic" person.

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Imagine being called "toxic" by a person who is "toxic" to begin with. I can't express my feeling at that time. I'm speechless. o_o"

Instead of getting angry with that, I decided to keep calm and re-evaluate my action. Ashamed to myself, I believe it true that I already become toxic like them.

And it shocks me to the bone.

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So, in the end, I learn to admit it and decide to fix it. I take a few steps to fix this unhealthy symptom. 

One of them is by restriction the use of social media. I used Instagram more than FB or twitter. And I only filter my newsfeed such as charity and donation programme, travel photo and language study.

Secondly, I used a little bit of my money to travel. Its good once and for all to forget about your circle especially those "toxic" people, and see the others side of the world and learn other people culture. Its give me a boost in morale on persuading my career.

Third, avoiding "toxic" people. Doesn't mean I hate them. I just want them to know that I also have future and career to persuade. And after all these years, I still treat them nicely even until now. So I already did my part, and I think I have a right to make my own call.

Toxic people are not bad, they like us, having a normal life, sometimes they even have family and proper job. Maybe somewhere along the way, they walk in a different situation that makes them like this, or maybe they never even notice that they are toxic.im so glad that i a have a  few friends who is nice to me by reminding me about my weaknesses.

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Being an adult was such a pain in the ass. But it is necessary for me to go through this. Because one day I'm gonna have my own significant other and a family and this experience really help me later.

And remember: "Life’s too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you."

Lesson learned.

After a good morning walk at the lake garden, I begin to rethink my future plan. I skip the library over a new monitor screen for my pc.

I skip the kingdom movie and bon odori too for the sake of other people's happiness.

***

I figure that I been thinking too much about something unnecessary and spending too many times on someone that I should consider as a seasonal person, especially in  2018 and this year.

I thought I helped them, but in the end, I just wasting my kindness on unnecessary people.

In fact, in the end, those people decided to be my enemy over a simple misunderstanding, and my friends were being poisoned to be against me.

Did they know how many times did I ever be patient to their annoying request and immature decision and yet still smile and helping them all this time?

What an ungrateful brat.

Well, whatever.

To tell you the truth, I already foresee this.

Its simple math, you knew from the very beginning they are not being honest with you. The words, body language, and action are all lying and full of rudeness, to begin with. It represents a selfish act rather than an honest one.

I mean a lot of people's, friends, my senior and the older before me, already face the same problem, it just a matter of time that I will be the next victim.

But yet I still help them. Yup, I know what your thinking.."this guy pretty stupid, he knows already yet still he help them".

Come on, I have my own code," never leave your friend without trying to help them."

But unfortunately, those were not "friend", I wish I realized it sooner.

Well, another whatever.

I will leave this stupid drama aside. I gain nothing good, people hate me, some leave me, avoid me, but I don't care bout it anymore. If by listening to the words of 'them' can be enough to judge me, then it's not enough to be in my circle as a friend.

Right now I'm professionally doing and improving my job. Getting along with 'professional' co-workers. And focusing on my dream and family. The house will come next year and perhaps it's a new beginning of this long-awaited plan. 

How bout friend?

Well, true friend, they will always stick around you, no matter what happened. They will remind you when your wrong, support you when your right. Those are the friend that you need to help when in trouble.

I learned my lesson, so hard that it makes me feel stronger than before. 

And yes, "You" out of my list.

Respect

When I was at a college, I used to have a lot of seniors who had to extends the study for more than 5 years.

Every one of them has a different reason for that. Car accident, repeat paper, miss class, family matter and so on. Some just end up with silly circumstances such as online gaming,dota, relationship, part-time work and simply lazy. Regardless of that, I have fun being with them. Some junior might feel ashamed to be associated with them. But for me no such thing.

Having respect for people who older or having experience things before us whether they good or not, was pretty much a rich lesson to me.

Thanks to those experiences, I never look down or disrespect my senior at my workplace. Even some of them are younger than me or treat me like a friend, or maybe treat me like trash, I still have a line that I put for myself to remind me that those are my seniors.

With that in mind, I can be professional at work. Although I'm still working on that.

On the other side, I don't mind if my junior doesn't want to respect me. After all, it is not compulsory for them to do so. And even so, I still treat them as a co-worker. It's a reflection that they want people to see about them so it might be weird if some of them whining about not getting involved in fun stuff or treating coldly by other co-workers later.

The advice I received from one of my superiors was like this (i was in junior years, and decided to quit my job) :

"No matter what happened, just be professional. We understand your situation, we are aware of that. But human is not easy to deal with, especially those whose carrier path is from other people's hardship."

............

Even a junky has good advice to others.

It takes someone who experiences a bad thing to give a good lesson to others. It's common sense.

So respect your elders. It's not about them, it all about what inside you.